Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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