Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
