My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
