I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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