wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
