Your face is a jimmy john
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
