The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
