is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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