Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
