Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
