this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
