well I can't set my house on fire every night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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