If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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