I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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