I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
