Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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