I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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