Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
