i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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