There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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