Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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