My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
