Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
