Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
