I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
