kristin has been a bad kristin
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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