I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
