I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
