y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize