Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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