You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
