Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
