i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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