OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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