I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
