shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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