There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
