sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
