why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
