Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
