I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I look better un-naked...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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