At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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