Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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