Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I did not marry a roomba.
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