I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
