I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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