Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
