dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
