i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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