Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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