Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
