Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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