everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
