What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
