i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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