There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
