Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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