I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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