He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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