I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
