I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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