I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
