508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
