she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
