He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
