Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
