i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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