Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
