Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize