Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
