im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
